Vanisha
Nov 22, 20162 min
Somehow from Day 1 of the loss I was awakened to a whole new realm. I didn't process it mentally until later, but something within me knew how to keep me moving forward.
As my husband passed over to the other side, it was as if something had dowloaded into me from the universe. Each loss I felt a download of peace despite the horrific tragedy. Maybe I labeled my shock as peace but whatever it was it worked. It gave me the strength to endure. Anger came through on many fronts as well. There was a time that I took my anger out on his picture for leaving us. It took me over a year to really scream at the loss that occurred. I had stuffed it down so low.
My world as I knew it had suddenly changed within seconds. My true friend, my husband, left in the wee hours in the morning without any warning. Burning question for months on - Why???
I was now awakened to a whole new reality. You want to tell others but you know that they just do not get it. Just as I did not have the capacity to understand until my own experience. It seems so crazy as individuals that so many of us hold grudges, unforgiving attitudes, hate in our hearts, knowing that this place is just temporary.
Who was I now without my husband? This was a brand new beginning and until I saw the precious face of our daughter I had no idea of my purpose. Like so many have said before, the moment I laid eyes on my child, it was instant love, I knew I had to live. For months I lived as if my husband was still with us. My family took care of me and were very cautious to make few changes and keep as much the same as possible. More change and losing even material things at times were extremely difficult. I was needing gradual change for me to process.
This was just the first Awakening of many various Awakenings to come into my life in the years to follow into the present day.